Rodo, you must never wear the earrings.

Why?

It's much too dangerous.

But they're clip ons?

Look trust me on this one, just don't do it.

And they match my watch.

See.

Goodness, you're right, that was a close one.

You must stay focused.

But, I would have gotten a free latte.

Yeah, but then you'd feel indebted, and who knows where those horsemen have been.

Good point.

I'm telling you-- I did not star in that movie!

Actually, I interviewed Julia for our school paper. I was so lucky.

Really? What's she like.

She's just like she is in the movies. Saucy.

Saucy, like how?

Like after the interview all the other junior reporters got up for an autograph. I thought that was so "unprofessional" so I just sat there collecting my things and she looks across the table at me - through the crowd.

And then?

And she says as if she were me (in Julia voice) "I don't care who she is -- I'm not getting up for her autograph."

She said that to you?

She was smiling, actually it was pretty funny.

And that's that?

Well, I did go up afterwards and say, "Okay, okay, you can sign for me if you want."

Don't move a muscle.

But they're going to kill us!!!!

Quick, continue the story.

What story?

The ah, the ah, Julia Richards story.

But that's it. It's done.

Geeze boy, make some more up.

But that's the end of the story!

Put that boy down!

You may not pass gas here!

Insanity Ted! You found the arrow!

Good shot ol' boy.

The trick is to aim at something else.

I think there's something philosophically profound there Insanity Ted.

See Rodo, why can't you be as open-minded as your friend.

Geeze guys, I missed -- I mean, I got lucky.

Yeah, Gandolfini. -- No? Really? -- Okay, great, we'll be there immediately, -- bye..what? what? (reaches in pocket for notepaper/pen) okay. Broccoli, non-dairy creamer, poptarts. Yes. Yes, mom, I won't forget.

What was that?

Quickly, Sorass has been nabbed by the NY police and is being held on trial.

Is that good or bad?

Both. We've got to get there before he destories them all.

What can we do?

I'm not sure, but with my magic and your earrings -- we might have a chance.

What's going on here?

But you said, never to put the --?

Gandolfini!!!

Wasn't he on the Soprano's?

Is he dead?

Don't know, we didn't actually see him die?

We can get a better view from over on that hillside.

Hey, what're those?

What? You mean these words here?

This one says, "Cast -- Rodo played by.."

"Insanity Ted played by-- "

Goodness Gandolfini was right! We aren't real. We're just characters brought to life with actors.

That sucks.

These are the credits.

But aren't credits supposed to roll at the end of the movie.

Good point. I guess this is the ending.

No way, can't be.

Why not?

This a crappy place to end a movie.

Ya think?

What about the evil guy? And look, you've still got those earrings -- I thought this whole story was about you destroying those things and you still have 'em.

Don't know how you knew that, but good point -- still, maybe this is where the book ends -- so, I guess viewers will just have to wait for the sequel.

That's wack. I'm not going to be in any movie that ends like that. Lets go wedgie the director.

I said "cut" like a million times, you little brats!

To tell the whole truth so help me Satan.

Did you say Satan?

Did I? I might have. My bad, I was thinking of something else. -- Err, ah, So help me God. There.

Much better, you may be seated.

I'd feel more of an obligation to be honest if he just let me say Satan.

Yes, I like Satin too.

It's just so darned expensive and gives me a rash when it rubs against my skin.

(starting in strong and accusational) Mr. Sorass.

You may address me simply as Sorass.

(clears throat) Mr. Sorass where were you on those dates in history when the most dastardly events were occurring.

Uhm, I was washing my hair.

I remind you, Mr. Sorass, you are under oath.

Under where?

Hah, I just made you say "underwear."

Darn it, I hate it when I fall for that one.

Okay, your honor, no more questions.

Very well then, next -- uhm, lawyer guy.

Sorass baby, you never hurt anybody did you?

I was washing my hair.

No, no Sorass, that's the answer for the other question (winks.)

Judge, he's uhm, what's that word.

Leading?

That's it, he's leading the witness.

Stop that you, bad boy. Just for that (strikes gavel) I find this guy guilty of all the heinous crimes throughout history.

I sentence you to 16 months of community service - without parole!

Come on big guy, it won't be so bad. I'll buy you some ding-dongs.

Ouwww!!!

Now you will all see what power I have!

Let me help you there. Always hold the back clip, then snap and there you are.

Hey, you're Herman Munster right?

Look who's talkin'.

I'm going to rule the world!

Chill out homes, it ain't happnin'

Who's going to stop me?

Da two yoots.

Who?

Da two yoots.

They're boys, I'll snap them like twigs.

You can't handle the yoots!

The Earrings!!!

No don't!

Okay Mister, that's enough! Look at this place, it's a pigsty.

But, but --

Oh, don't give me your buts, there's no if ands or buts about it -- You've been bad.

That's it buster, now I'll give you something to cry about.

Now you stay there and pout if you want to. You can come out when you're ready to apologize to the bailiff's next of kin and behave like a decent evil being.

Great job Rodo!

I am dying for some chocolate.

Okay okay, now take the earrings off.

This place is a mess, could I get some help over here?

Rod, Rod, the earrings --

Oh my God, Insanity Ted how could you let me leave the house like this?

Uhm, Insanity Ted, would you mind getting off of me?

Uhm Rodman, are you you?

What a wonderful question to ponder.

Rodo Mangoseed! You're yoU!

Well done, my dear Rodo, you've served humankind well. With Sorass in time-out you should be safe for another 3 bazillion years at least.

And you are?

I'm queen of dreams.

Oh, no, this hasn't been all a dream has it?

I hate it when movies end that way -- that is so lame -- uhm -- too.

What is so lame about dreaming? Dream, Reality -- why is that such an important distinction?

Personally, I prefer to be real.

Believe it and so you are. Come-on, what's the big deal? -- Either way you have life. Isn't that a good thing?

Whatever, look what should we do with the earrings?

Did God send you?

God sent all of us ... isn't that the definition of God?

Okay, now this is getting way too cerebral.

Am I supposed ta bring the earrings to him?

Who?

God?

What makes you think God is a him?

Her?

God's a hermaphrodite?

Come on, God's got about as much gender as an idea.

-- as a feeling, as a dream.

Androgyny?

Yep.

Oh, love that band. They rock!

Look,

Could you give this guy a brain?

And this guy some courage.

You've both got heart and with that -- you can grow your own smarts and your own courage. Besides I don't see any yellow bricks around here.

Poppies poppies!

Are you quite finished with those earrings?

I think so.

Yes!!!!!

Then I'll take them.

Will you destroy them, I mean destory them?

Uhm? What are you doing?

(enjoying the last swallow) I'm eating them.

But they're gold?

No they're not. They're dehydrated crystalized bee-honey.

Why would Sorass make earrings out of honey?

Sorass didn't make them and they're not real earrings.

(facetiously) What are they DREAM earrings?

They're candy earrings. I love 'em -- did you ever have the candy necklaces -- I love those too.

Yeah, I had those bracelets once, they taste like pure sugar.

Excuse me you two, but Gandolini specifically told me that Sorass made them.

Old Gandolfini, he so loves good stories. Given half a chance, he can't help himself, but make up a few.

But what about the horsemen and all that?

You're funny Rodo Mangoseed. You can't even believe that you're in a dream, but you believed all that malarkey.

Hook line and stinker.

Shut up, you believed it too!

But hey, hey, if the earrings were just honey, how did they make Rodo into a woman?

A woman? You really think that was a woman? Some guy parading around in candy earrings worrying whether his clothing coordinates and stressing over a clean house?

What?

Grow up, that's not the definition of a woman. That's your small-minded idea of what a woman is.

But it worked. I mean the horsemen were powerless.

That's because they're just as infant-minded as you. (Laughs) Oh, you are all so amusing.

Excuse, me ma'am, you are a ma'am right?

Yes.

So then, this'll sound stupid, but -- what exactly is a woman?

(smiles caringly -- grabs his cheeks) There isn't just one definition for woman. Just as there isn't just one definition for man. Look at you two - are you alike?

Yep, you're not. There's just as many kinds of women as there are men. They're just as many powerful ones as men, just as many fools as men, and just as many good ones as there are men. Sadly that's a smaller number than I'd like to see.

What?

So many people on your planet, but too few good ones.

Are we good ones?

Look at you two. You just saved the world from eternal damnation. I think that gives you a leg up.

Cool -- a leg up.

But what about other people?

So nice of you to ask. You don't have to save the world from never-ending evil to be good. You just have to try. That's all. Make a small positive contribution to the universe.

Is that the moral then? Of this story? Dream? Whatever?

Still thinking like Gandolfini - are you?

Well?

If you need a moral, there it is. Go be good. Laugh, have fun, don't hurt anybody. Eat a lot of candy.

Sounds good to me -- go ahead roll those credits -- Got any more of those candy earrings on you?